Hopeful Skepticism
Striking a Balance Between Hope and Pragmatism
In early November, I was burning time in SeaTac airport as I waited to board a flight that had been repeatedly delayed. 7AM . . 8:10 . . . 9:15 . . . Settling into an uncomfortable chair as I clutched a cup of coffee, I marinated in a mix of emotions: frustrated (“how late will we land?”), tired (4:30AM alarm clock), anxious (it was election day), but also energized (for the work I would be doing with my client in the days ahead).
Repeatedly glancing at my watch and ready to jump up at a moment’s notice as the boarding call was announced, my skepticism kicked into overdrive. I started to weave stories about the potential mess resulting from a blown-up schedule, how I’d recover lost time, the lack of sleep . . . the list kept growing. I was keyed-up and adding more emotional baggage. This wasn’t how I wanted the day to go.
So I decided to change it.
I pitched my coffee cup into a nearby trashcan, took 3 deep breaths with my feet planted firmly on the carpet, and remembered a vital tool to both guide me through this anxious time and allow me to show up as who I wanted to be: choice.
The choice I have every day to respond to what’s happening around me. My ability to not just absorb the information I’m gathering, but curiously decipher it. Which dots I choose to connect, and what I ultimately do with it all.
In that moment I chose to be patient – to those around me and to myself. I made a conscious decision to not let the swirl of stress and anxiety take hold. Instead of falling prey to doomscrolling and its impending cynicism, I cracked open my book, downloaded a few podcasts, and spent my time in the air with a collection of thinkers that would give me perspective, wisdom, and hope.
The book I’d brought for this trip turned out to be perfect (and powerful): Dr. Jamil Zaki’s Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness. It opened me up to how easily skepticism can evolve into full-blown cynicism - where you’re steeped in judgement, blame, and feelings of hopelessness - and steps to prevent it. It was the gut check I needed, realizing my current thought patterns had taken a turn into dogmatic, cynical territory.
The Downward Spiral into Cynicism
When cynicism takes root, it doesn’t just create a negative mental space for you – it seeps into your surroundings, adversely affecting your relationships and environments. Its contagious effect can either pull you into a downward spiral (tamping out sparks of optimism) or push them away (think Debbie Downer, for a lighter take). Research also reveals that cynicism can lead to disengagement and isolation – keeping you from showing up how you’d like to, or even showing up at all.
Ultimately, a cynical bias reduces the aperture through which you see the world; thereby limiting space for possibility. It then justifies inaction (“Why bother?”) and produces self-fulfilling prophecies that inhibit growth, connection, and the potential unfolding of better outcomes and unlocking potential.
Discovering Hope through Skepticism
If you’re sitting in a cynical space – seeing problems instead of solutions – how do you make your way out of it? Welcome to hopeful skepticism.
This perspective encourages holding tensions as you navigate through all the complexity being served up. Where you’re acknowledging skepticism while holding onto the belief that positive outcomes are possible. Hopeful skepticism urges you to avoid the pitfalls of blind optimism, the siren call of negativity, and surfaces a middle ground where you can thrive.
Think of it as a Both/And mindset, where you’re seeing both beauty and imperfection.
Steps to Shift Away From Cynicism
If choosing a more hopeful path appeals to you, here are a few ways to help you get there:
Pay attention to the words you’re using. Words (said either internally or out loud) are helpful signals to let you know when you might be drifting into exaggeration (Always, Never, Ever) or judgement (Good, Bad, Should, Too Much, Not Enough).
Become your own fact-checker. By bringing a critical eye to your cynical thoughts and narratives, you can dissect and understand your negativity, recognizing it as a product of internal biases rather than objective truths.
Connect with people both inside and outside of your current network. Social connections broaden your perceptions, making you more resilient against cynicism and more inclined towards hopeful skepticism. Engaging with others – regardless of whether they share your views – nourishes and opens you up to diverse perspectives.
Adopt an experimental mindset. Integrate small, calculated risks that test and stretch your boundaries. They also help you to embrace cracks as points of interest rather than imperfections to be avoided.
Nurturing Potential
For more ideas on how to put hopeful skepticism into practice, you’ll hear some great stories in The Courage Effect’s latest show Unlocking Potential: Courage, Joy, and Personal Truth with Roger Kastner. As an experienced organizational development practitioner, leadership coach, and host of the What Do You Know To Be True? podcast, Roger talks with me about the lessons he learned in creating thriving workplaces and how he balances skepticism and optimism with what’s possible.
In the pursuit of his purpose to “unlock his potential while he’s working with others to unlock their potential”, Roger pulls from resources like courage, joy, and hopeful skepticism to achieve it every day. This is truly inspiration – and hopeful skepticism – in action.
Cultivating a Bold Yet Grounded Perspective
Uncertain, imperfect situations expose us to good and bad, light and dark, additive and subtractive. We realize transformative impact when we open up into seeing a more expansive landscape. Where we steer clear of cynicism's swirl by investigating our negative thoughts more deeply, and embrace hopeful skepticism as a compass to discover pathways for insight and change.
How might you harness hopeful skepticism, and what impact might it have in the final weeks of the year?
Sending you joy and good thoughts for the holidays, and I’m excited to bring you continued insights (and hopefully inspiration) in 2025!
Warmly,
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Really good post for a number of reasons. Obviously who can't relate to being stuck in a travel delay not caused by your own doing.
But the larger meaning of seeking out other connections is huge. It's something I have been doing a lot of over the past month plus. It's been enlightening. I wrote something on the day after the election around you can't lead with "you're a [blank] because you voted for [blank]." It's not helpful--you're not interested in bringing different world views into your tent and you're limiting your opportunity for increased community.
Unfortunately right now, I'm seeing more of the demonization than the willingness to understand perspectives. We all lose when that happens.