Redefining Networking: Cultivating Meaningful Connections for Personal and Professional Growth

Techniques to navigate discomfort, effectively introduce yourself, and build a wealth of relationships

Photo by Pablo Gentile on Unsplash

What comes up for you when you hear the word “networking”? Does it put a smile on your face, getting you excited about the new people you might meet?  Or maybe it leaves you cold, potentially pinching up your face like you’ve just taken a bite of something that tastes horrible.

For many people, the idea of reaching out and making new connections comes with an undeniable sense of discomfort, or even squeamishness – what I call the "ick factor." This feeling can stem from various sources, such as fear of rejection, feeling inauthentic, or concerns about becoming obligated. Whether you find it easy or hard, it’s crucial to recognize the value in networking and consider how it gives you the opportunity to stretch and learn.

The Reframe

To move past the ick factor, start with reframing your perspective of networking. Rather than viewing it as a transactional or self-serving pursuit, what happens when you see it as a way to germinate genuine, mutually beneficial relationships? By investing time and energy into discovering and tending these relationships, you create a source of value – one that opens doors to new opportunities, support, and personal growth. As Michael Melcher writes in his book Your Invisible Network: How to Create, Maintain, and Leverage the Relationships That Will Transform Your Career, “Relationships are a form of wealth that is under your control. You can create this wealth even if you start with nothing. And once you create it, no one can take it away."

Your network – which is a community of relationships – begets so many amazing things. It’s a wealth of happiness, support, advice, fresh perspectives, client and job referrals . . . for both yourself and others. Your connections form a living, breathing network that requires care and attention to thrive. It’s one of your most precious resources, that’s limited in that only as much as you take care of it. 

Overcoming Discomfort

Despite wanting to develop new relationships, the thought of proactively connecting with someone, initiating a conversion, and starting a new relationship can feel unnatural. Acknowledging what feels weird and accepting the discomfort associated with making new connections is your first step in overcoming it. Embrace your awkwardness, and know that moving through it takes practice. Understanding it’s a process, one that you’ll get better at over time, allows you to unhook from being perfect as you start to experiment. Give yourself some grace as you step into the possibility of meeting someone amazing. Someone who might introduce you to more cool people. The benefits will out-weigh the risks – so why not jump in?

Start small by making easy introductions or reaching out to close contacts, gradually pushing yourself further as you become more comfortable. Bring humor to the conversations (where it’s appropriate) to move a conversation forward. Remember the reason you’re engaging, and how you might also make this a meaningful exchange in return for the person you’re speaking with. When you anchor on what’s important and consider how these conversations might bring you closer to your larger intentions/goals/aspirations, you’ll be more focused and present.

Finally, there’s the very likely possibility that meeting new people can be FUN. Be intentional about how you show up but also be YOU. People want to get to know you, and you’re opening up the chance to better understand them in return. Bring your curiosity, personal spark, and kindness along for the ride – be open and as you experiment, see what works and tweak as you’d like.

Magic Introductions

When making new connections, you might struggle with the frequent challenge how to effectively introduce yourself. Seems simple, but in reality it gets complicated. Negative self-talk, a lack of confidence, and overall weirdness might take over: potentially taking you to a place where you fumble, avoid conversations, and don’t get the benefits you wanted from the exchange.

What a strong introduction accomplishes:

• It successfully speaks to who you are and the impact of what you do

• It sparks interest

• It piques interest and makes you memorable to other people

The #1 thing that gets in the way of us accomplishing a strong introduction is our tendency to use a stale, uninspired default: our name and our title.

“Hi. My name is Suzanne Weller. I’m a leadership coach and transformation consultant.”

Short, direct, and succinct – yes.  But the title leaves things vague and open to so much interpretation. Everyone has their own understanding of what a leadership coach and transformation consultant does. If I use this statement to introduce myself, I get questions like:

“Ah, you train managers?”

“Oh, so you write resumes?”

“Ah, you overhaul failing companies?” 

Instead of capturing what I do, my job title introduction tends to stop conversations before they even start, or initiate the wrong assumptions. It’s limiting both my talent and the dialogue. I need to zhuzh it up, bring some magic.

Magic introductions happen when you shift perspective and talk about who you help, the end result, and benefit of what you do.

“Hi. I’m Suzanne Weller. I'm a transformation partner who helps professionals and teams strengthen their leadership skills so they can operate in braver, more collaborative spaces.”

The most common responses I now get: “Interesting . . . how do you do that?” or “tell me more.”

Let’s break down the formula:

1. WHO: leaders and teams

2. RESULT: strengthen their leadership skills

3. BENEFIT: operate in braver brain space and realize success together

Yes, it’s still a little high-level. But it piques interest, leads to great questions, and gives rise to memorable conversations.

Finding Common Points

When you’re meeting new people, it's helpful to have some back pocket questions on the ready. Don’t fall prey into the over-used “So, what do you do?”.  It’s tired, expected, and doesn’t extend a warm conversational invitation.  Here are a few that I prefer:

“Tell me about you. Who is ___?”

“What are you currently working on?”

“What are you most excited about right now?”

These tend to get people talking about themselves, what’s currently lighting them up, and move the conversation forward.

When they start to share, be sure you’re listening to uncover common points. Now you’re building rapport beyond the basics: discovering commonalities, shared interests or contacts. It’s a great way to lay the foundation for your conversation and move into a comfortable space where you both have the opportunity to talk about yourself in a meaningful way. Remember it’s a dialogue – aim for an equal share of air-time, embrace brevity when time is limited (or you sense people might be checking-out), and watch for body language and queues to stay engaged while honoring the person’s space.

As the conversation builds (or is starting to wrap up), it’s time to consider if you have a request of this person. Maybe you’d like to stay in touch?  Or someone you’d like them to introduce you to? Think about what makes sense, how you can do it in a way that’s both genuine and polite, and what you might offer in return as a sign of generosity.

The Power of Follow-Up

What happens next is up to you. If it’s a connection you’d like to grow, the follow-up is just as important as the initial outreach. Maybe it’s a simple LinkedIn connection, or an invitation to meet 1:1. Be honest with yourself about your intentions and what you hope to gain from the relationship, clearly communicate your requests, while also respecting the other person's time and boundaries. Remember that not every connection will lead to a deep, long-lasting relationship – and that's okay. Focus on developing the relationships that feel good, bring value to both of you, and are worth the level of investment you decide to give to it.

Embracing Possibility

Networking is a means to expand your horizons as you build a wealth of meaningful relationships. You can cultivate a community of relationships that support you by investing in a few helpful steps:

• Approach it with a spirit of curiosity

• Recognize it’s awkward, and practice to overcome your discomfort

• Craft an introduction that’s clear, authentic, and speaks to you and your value

• Follow up with intention

• Open up to the possibility of enjoying it!

So, the next time you feel that familiar twinge of discomfort when reaching out to make a new connection, remember if you don’t put yourself out there you’ll never have the chance to find out what’s on the other side. Each new connection holds the potential to surprise you, teach you something new, or open doors to unexpected opportunities. Embrace the ick, and watch your community of relationships flourish as a result.

What’s next?

If you’re in Seattle, join me at my upcoming Making Connections: Summer in the Rose Garden event on Tuesday, August 20th so we can meet in-person and put your networking skills into practice in a supportive (and gorgeous) space!

Be a part of the courageous contagion movement by embarking on the most recent Courage Up! challenge I’ve presented on The Courage Effect podcast: Courage Up! Your 30-Day Challenge to Make New Connections.

Hear more from Michael Melcher about The Invisible Network book in our podcast interview: Leveraging Your Invisible Network with Michael Melcher.

If you find this helpful and want to dive deeper into my networking toolkit, let’s have a conversation about how we might partner through coaching, workshops, or consulting. Reach out for more!

I’d love to know if you try out these tips, have others you would add, or have stories to share in comments below.👇

And if you’re not already a subscriber, please come aboard to stay up to speed on new content/ideas/offerings!